"Smells Clean..." Laundry: Post- University Friendships

First & most important... Happy Holidays!

I can't believe its Christmas Eve already. It looks and seems like fall to me - downtown we have barely any snow, and two days ago I was outside with no hat or gloves (thankfully, because my winter hat is shameful at best). I find, as I'm sure most people do, that I miss not only my long distance friends, but all my friends a lot at this time of the year. I think about all of my friendships - the new and the old, the strong and the not so strong that seem to be fading away, and I wonder where I'd be without them.


In University I was part of an athletic team and immediately acquired 13 new sisters. It was amazing to see how strong our bond was throughout my 5 years there, we had been through everything together - the clean, the dirty & the rotten. When I graduated, I wondered how I'd not only live without them, but make new friends that would fill that void. Not everyone is part of an athletic team, but I'm sure every University student has made so many friends that have impacted their lives in one way or another, only to move home after school and lose touch with some of the people who meant so much at one time or another.

It wasn't until I graduated that I learned that "real life" friendship takes effort, whether you are neighbours or live in different countries. Going to school in the US and then moving home to Toronto really meant I had to have a fresh start with new friendships, and I was very fortunate to have met some smart, beautiful (inside and out), intelligent ladies (and a few of you gentlemen) that have become a staple in my life: and you know what? I dont know where I'd be without these people either. Moving home, I also reconnected with old childhood/high school friends that I wonder why I ever stopped talking to while in University.

Over the past three years post-university, one of the biggest "aha" moments I've had is realizing that while friends-of-the-moment are great, the really meaningful friendships in my life take the most effort, and are the most rewarding. I generally dislike the phrase "you find out who your true friends are when..." because, while I agree this is accurate, I realized that this doesn't just happen, I have to put in the effort with the people that I want in my life. People walk in to your life every day, but they don't stay there without effort from both parties. I've learned that if I want people in my life, I have to call/text/email/arrange visits/etc etc... in order to keep that alive. Best case scenario - it is reciprocated, and I am so lucky that most of my old teammates, high school/university friends, and new work colleagues also realize the imoprtance of making time for their friends. The other side to this, is the unreturned calls, texts, and emails, the ones always waiting for invitations to things they never attend, the friends who are then hurt when they aren't included - whether its a movie night or a roadtrip to see other friends. I struggle with frustration when I think of my options for this type of friendship - I don't want to give up, but why the effort on my part when all the invitations are not only rejected, but most of the time never answered?

As a disclaimer, I understand that "life" can get in the way of friendships, we always have somewhere to be, something due tomorrow, or something we're late for. That being said, many of my friends have very busy lives - careers, kids, & relationships; however, these seem to be the friends who make the most effort. In university, all we had was class and maybe a job - living either with, or within walking distance from all your friends made it easy. Plans could be made 5 minutes before the event, and most cases involved everyone was avilable and up for whatever. Post-university friendship takes planning. No longer do we have the luxury of dropping our homework and heading to the bar for a drink or ten. No longer can we skip class to go shopping, or road trip to see a football game at a nearby school - we have to plan dinner weeks ahead, road trips months ahead, and Taylor Swift concerts a year in advance (ps - I can't wait girls!!). That being said, these are the most important friendships in my life right now. I am so lucky to have the friend who is taking her Masters and is busier than busy, but on her one week off a year makes the effort to see ALL her friends, and believe me, her black book of friends is overflowing. [Note: she is doing amazingly well, and is never too busy for a quick text message to at least let me know she is alive]. I am lucky to have the friend who drives downtown to meet me just for coffee, even offering to look after my cat she isn't so fond of when I am out of town - only trapping him in the fridge once...so far.

I am lucky to have all of you.

All the effort put in - whether its daily emails to a couple long distance teammates, weekly dates for coffee or wine with a group of special girls, or twice a year visits to Alumni weekend or Homecoming... all of the time, money spent, and 3000+ text messages a month is worth its weight in gold. Its you people in my life who are there for me no matter how dirty my laundry is, teaching me the lessons that never go out of style: friendship isn't always easy, you have to work to make it work, and the shakes the next day are always worth that last glass of McManis.